I Just Don’t…

“I just don’t know how you do it all..” Is something I so frequently hear when starting up a conversation with someone I don’t know very well (sometimes even with people who do know me well!). I can understand, how people look at my busy life and wonder sometimes. Social media allows us to present ourselves in such a happy, put together sort of way. We share pictures of our house when it’s in tip top shape. When the laundry pile is shoved out of the frame of the picture, or the bedroom door closed. Or maybe the sink is freshly removed of dirty dishes, and we do a quick sweep to take that picture to share our accomplishment. We are careful with our pictures not to depict “real” life scenarios. We show our happiness, the beautiful things we appreciate, the moments with our children we cherish, and the special things people have done for us. We may share a picture that we have lined up all of our children’s school work nice and organized, like it depicts real life, but it doesn’t.

Let me just tell you a little about my life. If you don’t know me, or if you do, you will soon realize I am a very busy person. I begin my day with a “Priority List” for the day. I used to make To Do Lists, and I would get very frustrated not getting them done. I am quick to beat myself down sometimes, and have often referred to myself as a “failure” of a Mom, or a pastor’s wife, or a wife in general because of my lack of ability to get things done. I have been working over the past few months and praying that God would help me change that mentality. Because I am not a failure, and God doesn’t see me that way, and neither does my family.

On my priority list, I glance around my house and make a quick list of things I would like to get done through the day of the most important needs. I also write down any appointments, and I put simple things that I know will be accomplished on it, so I can make sure I have something to cross off. For example, I start every morning with a devotional and prayer and Bible reading. That will get done whether it’s one Scripture or a chapter. I write down to make my bed, and I write down SCHOOL – and list each of my children’s names next to it. We are homeschoolers. They are the top priorities of my day and are always at the top of my list. Then underneath it, I might make subcategories of the kitchen and tasks that need done, and the bathroom, and having my children clean up certain areas.

A priority list is very much like a to do list, but the difference is, if I don’t get it accomplished and have everything checked off, I have not failed. Instead, I have gotten done a few of my priorities and that in itself was an accomplishment. By writing it down, you get a visual of all the things you have done in a day. I don’t include my barn chores, and horse work on my list. But if I did, my priority list would be two pages long! I know the work involved there and that’s a work load that does not waver on whether it will get finished or not. It always does. I then add one scripture verse to this list and I read it throughout the day. I try and focus on one scripture and just let it circulate in my heart and mind. I can’t always focus on a chapter, or multiple verses even. As a pastor’s wife, maybe you think we are super spiritual and set at a higher standard than most… We are human beings too, with just as much distraction in life as anyone else. Hide that one verse in your heart. It will help you throughout the day.

The last thing that I do with my priority list, is throughout the day, I write down some things that make me smile. Maybe it’s a morning hug, or a cup of coffee with a friend, a text, a phone call, my crazy three year old learning to ride the hoverboard, or an easy day of schoolwork, or a compliment, the sunset, my goofball horse, a good ride, laughter, etc. Anything that would bring me joy, I try and write a little word or two on my list, and at the end of the day or the next morning I count the blessings, and thank God for them.

That being said, I don’t get it all done. I’m human just like anyone else. I am sometimes referred to as “super mom.” Even Super Mom couldn’t possibly keep up with it all! So, some days, my laundry pile is stacked up on my couch (more often than not!) Or My kitchen may need a good scrubbing, but all my kids got their schoolwork done, and we took care of our horses, and everyone was healthy and alive and somewhat clean at the end of the day. Other days, maybe schoolwork wasn’t completely finished, but the kitchen was clean and the living room freshly swept and a load of laundry done, and at the end of the day we all sat down and had dinner and gave thanks for another beautiful day.

My typical schedule is, Wake up, get dressed, have some coffee/devotional time, make a list if I haven’t the night before, get the kids breakfast as they come in the kitchen, do schoolwork, and try and be done with our school day by around 12:00. Sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn’t. My husband generally does the morning feeding and watering at the farm. Occasionally, I will go out and help him, usually on the weekends. Sometimes I have a load of laundry going and successfully dry it by lunch, other times, I rewash it a time or two… So then I have a few hours that I try and catch up on things around the house that need done, like the kitchen, bathroom, laundry, general clean up, and the kids pitch in around the house. I try and squeeze in twenty minutes of reading time for myself, and twenty minutes of Spanish study time.

Then, off to the farm we go. At the farm, we gather all the feed buckets from each pen, check water troughs making a note of whose needs refilled that water has to be hauled out to, we clean up any messes, ride anyone who needs ridden, make videos, take pictures, try and have fun, enjoy the golden hour, fill water troughs, dole out grain to each bucket, some on different feeds than others with different supplements, and soak it, pass it all out, pass out alfalfa as needed or put out new round bales. Some days the farrier or vet is there, and that adds into the busy schedule of our lives. Sometimes I take quick pics on my phone for updates on our page. Other times, I think OOPS! Haven’t updated on that one in a while, and it’s after I already have a blanket back on the grumpy ottb who is angry at the fact he is blanketed even though it’s for his benefit… I try and really enjoy my farm work. I take the time to take in the beautiful sunsets, and enjoy the goofy moments of horse scratches and treats, and I cherish the fact that my kids help and pitch in anywhere needed. Its a breath of fresh air for me during my day. It’s a lifelong dream that I get to live every day. Then we come home after all the chores are done and the horses are happily munching on their evening meals.

I’ve not always been the best planner for meals. Cooking has never been my strong point. I’ve always wanted to be a “good” cook, but it does not come naturally to me. So, I may or may not have to go to the grocery store before cooking dinner, and then come home and fix dinner. We eat our evening meal together, and get pajamas on, tuck the littles in for bed, and sit down and watch a Netflix show with our oldest daughter that would usually not interest the other kids. Then, I draw a nice warm bath with Epsom salts usually and then go off to bed.

During this whirlwind of a day, there is lots accomplished and there is a lot that may not be accomplished. Either way, I have not failed. And neither have you. Your day might not be as busy as mine. But you are no less living a demanding life. You are not a failure, Mama if you have chosen to hold your baby, and let the laundry sit. You’re not a failure if your house didn’t get cleaned up the way you intended. You’re doing your best. Maybe the barn is spotless, and your horse is clean, and you got some ride time in, but your bed isn’t made and the kitchen is a mess. You are not a failure. You just took time on some of your other priorities. Our lives are full of priorities and demands. We can only do our best, and when it does not get done, know you are valuable, you are important, and you are not a failure. Look at all you HAVE done. When someone says to you, I just don’t know HOW you do it all, just smile, give a small shoulder shrug, and say I don’t…